Secrecy and Status: The Social Construction of Forbidden Relationships

Abstract

This paper discusses how status and secrecy affect the social construction of secret, forbidden, intimate relationships. Based on an analysis of 65 intensive interviews with single women involved with married men, two stages of intimacy emerge: (1) exchanging secrets about the self or Becoming Confidantes and (2) creating mutual secrets or Becoming a We. The man's marital status, reinforced by his gender and socioeconomic status, has major effects concerning time constraints, expectations of temporariness, and privacy. These lead to intense feelings, idealization, and trust, which enhance the woman's commitment to perpetuating the relationship. The relationship is perpetuated through the construction of mutual secrets (rituals and property), which are imbued with intense symbolic significance. The strategies used to conceal the relationship increase the woman's dependence on it and reduce her power within it. Secrecy protects the interests of the powerful.